How does one *cyber*?
Some folks go into a sex chat room and the first thing they wonder is, how do you do this thing called cyber sex (or cyber as it is sometimes called). Normally one watches for a bit to see what goes on in a room. There could be one of several things happening. There might be some idle chatter, folks just talking, possibly non-sexual. Others may be flirting. Still others are PMing (private messaging) to each other and the observer (you) cannot see what is going on between the two people. Sometimes, you can see what one of the persons is saying, if they refuse to go into PM with the chatterer. Occasionally, you might find a room where the people are *playing* (aka cybering) in public, which happens to be my personal favorite.
When I first discovered cybersex, I hadn't been sexually active for over ten years. Fully repressed due to my sexually transmitted illness (okay, let's call it like it is, I got HIV from someone who didn't know he had it). I was filled with shame, fear, rage and channeled that energy into being an activist for all those years, into raising my child, into staying atop all the new information about my illness. It was a good life, a fulfilling life but sexless. When I was 41 years old, my daughter came to me, asking me to find her a cartoon picture of a condom for a health class project. Little did I know that request would change my entire life, literally.
I typed in condom and a flurry of sites popped up, and they all had XXX on them. "What???", I asked myself. Now, keep in mind, I had not seen a nude man in over ten years. I remember liking nude men *g* I followed a link, two okay maybe three. The men were not only nude, they had boners. Oh my goodness!!! I definitely recall liking boners. I followed more links. Then, something odd happened. My body had a reaction. I was l'il flushed. My nipples got hard. My body felt lighter. I had wetness in a place I thought had dried up a decade ago> A lot of wetness. All this from a picture of a naked man with an erection. A bit excessive, don't you think? *S*
After a couple weeks of looking at naked men, I got bored. Started hitting different links, ending up at chat sites. So, I walk in and wow, the people were talking sexy and stuff, in the open, wooo hoooo!! I had two things working for me at that point. One, I liked sex and two I love writing. Then, a third thing popped up, after ten years of talking, breathing, writing medical, technical, political issues, here was a place where I could use my creativity and old, sexual memories to create scenes by having cybersex.
So, how is this done? To me, the first thing one needs to do is get themselves into a *frame of mind*. One thing you will notice in a sex chat room are the people who come in and say, "my dick is hard, suck it", or "my pussy is wet, who wants it?". Those are the kids, the illiterate, the non-sexual, the persons who aren't really there for sexual role play. For the serious minded *cyberer*, the main reason to go to a sex chat site is to express and feel sexual; often the goal being a real time orgasm through masturbation. You get yourself into a frame of mind. If you're a man, you might have some oil near by. If you're a woman, a dildo. The best way, however, is to go into a room and size it up, check out the people, flirt with some that you might find interesting and see where it goes. What y6ou want to find is someone who uses the following techniques as they are speaking.
What some people don't realize is the brain is the largest sex organ we humans have, which is why cyber works so well for those with good imaginations. Not only does one dialogue, movement and emotion are inserted, often times written in italics. For example:
Man says to a woman: "mmmmmmm.....you're a temptress".....words trailing from my lips that curl into a smile
Woman says to man: running a finger down your chest and belly....."....I only look for things that tempt me".
It doesn't matter what is going on, or not, in that small snippet of scene, what that example shows is how a person differentiates between dialogue and movement, emotion, thought.
During cyber, a person puts them self into a scene that they would like to act out, either as part of a fantasy they have had, or something they would like to do in real life (irl) also known as real time (r/t). Or that they have done in real time, and either do not do anymore, or would like to experience more of. The possibilities are endless; from flirting, creating a room, an outdoor scene, inviting others to play with you and your partner. Any sort of sex is also possible, and the thing about cyber sex is there is no worry about the transference of bodily fluids that may transmit disease. Many folks, in my opinion, who are from the pre-HIV era, miss the mixing of bodily fluids and in cyber space, you can drown in them if you wish and it is perfectly safe. Conversely, those that do not like the feel (or taste) of fluids, wa-laa! The bottom line is to be creative and have fun.
As one woman I've *met* online told me:
I like cyber myself because I say things as I would do them r/t...I see it..FEEL it..at that moment I am there...with that person..doing all the things as I type them...and in long posts...I play...as some do...and when I say I am cumming here...I honestly truly really am r/t as well...I like the way you can describe, in words, exactly what is happening; portray it enough to them so they see it as well...words are powerful...they can have a lot of meaning an you can get lost in them...that's why I think people get attached here as well.
Here is a sample:
Jake enters the room
WildHoney says to Jake: Hello... smiles
Jake says to WildHoney: hey sexy *S*
Jake says to WildHoney: how are you doing tonight?
WildHoney says to Jake: How's your day been?....... sauntering over to the bar.....need some cold water, lil hot here in Florida, plus, you just walked in and for some odd reason, me heart started beating fast and that made it warmer....
(02:55:42) Jake says to WildHoney: *looks over at your sauntering self....watching closely*, mine has been a good day...slept in late...worked a little and fucked around some....awwww....warmer....now why would that be? *g*
(02:58:22 ® M) WildHoney says to Jake: walks around the counter......glancing down for a clean glass, asking, "Something to drink?".....doesn't fill the glass with ice, not really an ice fan, green eyes lift to look over at you while I reach for the water dispenser...."As I mentioned, last night, I'm not quite done with you", eyes sparkle, sipping the water, leaving a pink imprint of my lips on the glass.
(03:01:22) Jake says to WildHoney: *dark eyes settle on you....walking around....getting the water....asking....I nod* would yes....something cold....with ice please *a light smile....almost a grin at your words....noticing the pink imprint...seeing those supple lips on the glass....remembering them from last night* oh...you're not now....hmmmm....that's perfectly fine by me you know
(03:05:32 ® M) WildHoney says to Jake: Alcohol?.a crooked grin, then a soft laugh.. "Perfectly, fine, ey?......Like this ass of mine?"..... twirling my body so that my bottom is jutting so you can see one cheek, anyway......running my hand over the roundness, the taut bubble.....feeling pretty inadequate right about now, not sure why, .....for some reason, I've got this hunger, something you said last night, triggering the deeper, more feral woman inside of me, the lack of time or privacy has been holding me back, and though I have enjoyed the times we've played.....there is a hunch, deep inside me, that tells me you.....are much more aggressive than I have seen and I feel this ache.....gawd....yes, an ache.....to meet this other side of you.
(03:11:05) Jake says to WildHoney: *nods....a coy flash across lips....laughs at the same time as you* "yes....on both accounts....alcohol and fine....a fine ass indeed", *chewing my lips....eyes drifting down to the hand....playing over it.....sensing the hunger....knowing of it by the words spoken last night....the way...reaction....sensing there is a deeper level of hunger yet unseen in you* and is time or privacy an enemy tonight.....I wonder.....can we maybe feed that ache babe....fill the need....or do we dare find out if that intuition....hunch is accurate?.....and do tell me...what was it I said *wanting to know...curiously looking up into those sparkling emeralds*
As you may have noticed, people have their way of differentiating conversation from action. The way WildHOney does it is most common, however, each person has their own style.
